Conan
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Developer: Nihilistic | Publisher: THQ |
| Release Date: October 23, 2007 | Also On: PS3 & Xbox 360 |
Nihilistic's Conan is the kind of game that needs a big warning sticker on the front of it for a few reasons; good or bad. In a creative sense it compares in a way that would put Saints Row up there with BioShock. It is a blatant rip-off quite like many other games but it still retains some entertainment value, just not enough to take it out of the flat, dry land of mediocrity.
Conan is a game about a barbarian warrior whose powers and special armor are stripped away after stumbling upon the remains of an evil and powerful sorcerer named Graven. From here Conan meets a girl named A'Kanna, and together they embark on a daunting trek to catch up with Graven and stop his terrorizing of the world with the Black Death, as well as recover the many pieces of Conan's armor. The story is not ever really weighted like it was in God of War, so I did not expect to connect to Conan or A'Kanna, or Graven, or any of the other characters for that matter. As a result, while playing through the short six-hour journey I focused on the gameplay, which has the same ups-and-downs element as every other quality in the game. I will say this: I was pleasantly surprised to find that Conan, in this game, does not come off as a brutish oaf.
The controls are essentially a copy of God of War II's setup. Conan can jump if you press A, light attack with X, heavy attack with Y, and grapple with B. A lot of games copy control setups, though, so surely that isn't something I'd harshly penalize a game for. However, when every single aspect of the gameplay is a rip-off of Stephen Glass proportions, it's a little difficult not to raise an eyebrow. The button-smashing door-opening sequences are exactly the same, only here you'll throw in a few directional movements of the analog stick to make Conan dive through the door. Parrying is essentially the same concept as well, where you have to block at the precise moment just before being hit. Unfortunately you don't have the option of which parry kill you can perform—the game throws a random button prompt at you when you parry, making the mastering of the many parry skills in the game quite annoying. Since Conan can master every single combo with repeated use and success, I spent a lot of time doing the same combos over and over for each of the three different weapon classes (light one-hand, heavy two-hand, dual-wield) until I was done mastering a lot of them. It's a pretty redundant way to play the game, but it worked.
Rather than collecting items to increase his health (as Kratos did), Conan activates three matching rune triumvirates each level to increase his parameters, which makes absolutely no sense to me. The combination of a barbarian character, runes, and magic fit together like cowboys, changing diapers, and colorful cotton candy. Conan's spells aren't even much different than Kratos's; for instance there is a spell that summons a deadly swarm of ravens to ravage your enemies. This is conceptually the exact same thing as Hades' power in the first God of War. I feel like it is very unfortunate that at this point in my review I have made so many comparisons to God of War, but literally everything about the game is similar. There is a boss fight against a giant squid, for heaven's sake, and it takes place on a ravaged, sinking ship—remember the Kraken? It starts to grow incredibly stale by the end of the game.
The end of the game, I would like to add, was particularly testing of my patience. I admittedly reached the final showdown in the game and, for now, indefinitely forfeited. The battle was so frustrating that I just couldn't continue playing without wanting to break a controller or a face, even though I gave up the chance to claim that I beat the title and earned the Achievements for it. There were points throughout the game where I just wanted to stop playing because I was so irritated. The A.I. swarmed around Conan almost exclusively, and Conan's ability to block was nothing like Kratos's, so oftentimes I was raquet-balling back and forth between surrounding enemies, all attacking at different times. Conan usually can't block in the middle of any enemy combo, you see, especially if it is a quick-hitting one. Since enemies later on in the game (especially at the end) almost always used these quick combos, as I mentioned, just getting to the final encounter was an incredibly difficult test of endurance—my many futile attempts at beating the damn game were too much for me to take.
Another thing I'd like to point out is the unnecessary overuse of frontal nudity. I understand and can accept some nudity in games, but not in a way that comes off as pubescent as Conan does. Conan has to rescue mostly-naked maidens throughout his quest; doing so earns him red orbs that can be used to buy more attacks and combos like…oh, hell…by now it's redundant to keep saying "like God of War". Back to the point, there is no sex mini-game or anything like that, but there are absolutely ridiculous lines of dialogue that were written for these maidens to show their appreciation. "Oh Conan, crush me with your love!" is a good example of what I'm talking about. It's stuff like this that comes off as hokey and makes it look like they're trying really hard to shock people; if anything the hundreds of dismemberments and butcherings that Conan will do before the end of the game would be shocking enough.
Conan is, again, quite bipolar in its graphic and sound elements. The character model for Conan looks pretty good. He's as manly as they come, and his character is portrayed very well as a result. There are several areas and levels in the game that shine with the visual caliber I'd expect from better-than-average Xbox 360 games, but it is too bad that a few flaws keep it from being just that. The animations for jumping, rolling, and being hit by attacks are stiff, sloppy, and bad enough to the point of being hilarious at times—there are huge gorilla monkeys that Conan will insult and taunt like any other enemy, only for the gorilla to combo-punch Conan like he's a speed bag. Conan's bodily reaction is almost nonexistent, it just looks really funny. This is one thing I can't compare to God of War, because Kratos and his enemies were animated as close to perfection as one could want. Some of the parry moves and the more gruesome combo attacks look pretty darn cool, but it's too bad that there are a lot of glaring visual flaws to keep this game from looking better-than-average overall. The music is pretty good and fits perfectly, just like it did in God of War. I'd give Conan a lot of credit for its music, in fact. However, the sound effects are boring and the voice acting is pretty terrible. Why aren't there disgusting gushing sounds coming from my speakers when Conan dismembers his petty foes? I want to hear bones breaking, cuts and slashes opening up, and blood spilling in my action games if they're going to be coined "exciting" in any way.
One's time with Conan isn't much shorter than with Kratos in his first
adventure. As I mentioned before, I clocked in around six hours up to
the point of the final encounter. Unfortunately I don't make enough
money to replace a few controllers, so I quit playing. There isn't a
lot of incentive, other than Achievements, to find all of the maidens, rune triumvirates, and treasure chests scattered throughout the
experience because it's all over too quickly. Similarly, mastering
attacks just doesn't offer much (if any) gratification. If you are
really into Conan, or perhaps movies like Braveheart, you'll at least
like parts of Conan. I don't recommend a purchase, but one wouldn't be
losing out if one needed a game to occupy the doldrums that plague the
summer season. For now, there are many better games to play.
| Graphics: | 7.5 |
| Sound: | 8.5 |
| Gameplay: | 7 |
| Creativity: | 0 |
| Replay Value/Game Length: | 3 |
| Final: | 5.5 |
| Written by Cliff | Review Guide |
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