Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers Review

What are some of a man’s favorite things in the world? Hot women. Check. Hot women in bikinis. Check. Hot Asian women in bikinis. Check. Hot Asian women in bikinis killing zombies. Check. Wait, what? In some sick and twisted way I am sure that this is exactly the dream of many gamers out there (I’m talking to you Resident Evil fanboys). To fulfill those fantasies D3 Publisher has released Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers for the Wii.

Oddly enough this isn’t the first in the series either. Apparently it’s pretty popular in Japan and I am not sure why. Basically what we have here is a hack and slash action game involving two scantily clad women. For whatever reason they are killing zombies. I say that because the story in this game is so horribly done that I can’t really tell what exactly is going on other than the fact that there are zombies everywhere trying to kill the two main female characters.

The game is broken up into a few different game modes with the pillar being the story mode. There are also freeplay and survivor modes that allow for co-op play. Having a second person join in would have been welcomed in the story mode as well, but that is not optional. It’s not that the game is overly difficult. There actually was a point where I went several levels without getting hit once. The zombies in this game are literally brain dead. They put up very little fight at all.

You would think that a Wii game’s advantage in a sword fighting hack and slash game would be its controls, but again, this is not the case. The single analog stick hampers the camera angle significantly, making you rely on re-centering the camera as you move your character around. The sword action is actually quite counterintuitive. The developers were not even close to 1:1 movement. Instead you basically swipe around the Wii Remote aimlessly to perform your attacks. It isn’t very satisfying at all.

I realize that this is the Wii and not the PS3, but the graphics in this game could probably be managed on the Dreamcast. You have character models for the zombies that are blocky, bland environments, and very little detail put into anything except for the two bikini zombie slayer girls. As for the sound, it isn’t much better than the graphics. The entire production value, including the menus, screams budget title (which this game is).

I was actually looking forward to Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers before I started playing it. The concept sounded absurdly Japanese. Unfortunately, while the game is certainly true to its name, the gameplay mechanics are too screwed up to even make it the least bit enjoyable. This game is lousy with mindless combat, horrible graphics and a camera that will make you want to scream. If you like to torture yourself with bad games, by all means, pick up Bikini Zombie Slayers.